When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
