Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
