All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
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