Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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