i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
