Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
