That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
