Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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