Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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