I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
