fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I could fuck to npr.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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