So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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