Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
