So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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