So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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