Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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