one word: firstdatebathroomanal
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
