You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
