well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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