Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
