wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
