I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
