My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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