I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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