i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
