I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
