I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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