we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
