The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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