Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
