i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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