I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
