it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
