My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
How does one acquire holy water?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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