You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
