My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
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