I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
