He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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