I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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