What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Bang-toberfest begins!!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
