Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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