I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
