In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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