After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
