we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
