i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
