talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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