i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
