every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
