she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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