you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
